Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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