i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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