I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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