I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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