he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
