I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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