i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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