Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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