i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
