Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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