she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
