if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
