Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
