Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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