walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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