I seem to have left my pride at pride
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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