everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
