I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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