I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
