Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
