THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
