Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
