Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
