i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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