I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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