Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
