she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
