one two three fourrrrnication!
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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