He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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