I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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