I think my fart just growled at me.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
