Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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