Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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