My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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