don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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