Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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