I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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