like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
