Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize