Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
