we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
