the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
