Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize