I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
