I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
