i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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