O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
