my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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