Acid is not a monday night drug
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
