Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
