We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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