Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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