genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
