Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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