the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
