Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
