You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Green mimosas i think yes
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
