If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
