You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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