thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
