new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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