Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
