i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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