my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
