Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
