now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
