the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
