Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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