let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
