my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
