Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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