Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
