Don't you send me to vm
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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