I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
