Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
