went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
