He had one of those small greek statue penises
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
