everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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