I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I've blown a few things in my day
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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