Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
