erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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