i permit you to call me
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
