Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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