Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
