i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My legs feel like baby dolphins
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
