I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
