no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
