My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
