Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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