The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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