Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize