Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
