I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
