WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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