My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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