Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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