Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
