So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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