You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
