Say something about gay babies.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's blow job season.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
