my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
