What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
