i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
dude i'm inner monologue high
We named our party play list daddy issues
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize