i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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