apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize