I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
