sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
