i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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