I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
