When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
