That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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