I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Two words: nipple clamps
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