i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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