Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
