It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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