My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
