Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize