im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
